Seriously...TGFH! (Thank God for Husbands!)

Man, am I eating a big ol' piece of HUMBLE PIE this week!!!
My husband had to go out of town this week for work. This doesn't happen often, but I cringe every time it does! You see, every time he has had to go out of town, the world crashes down! I don't know what it is, maybe I am cursed? One of the first times he had to go, Kirsten was a baby, in fact it was the week she had her first birthday..the morning before her birthday she woke up and could not breath, she was as white as a ghost..I took her to her Dr. (he was right around the corner) and he sent us strait to the hospital. She spent her first birthday in the hospital! She also learned to walk while there. My husband's company was willing to fly him home on an emergency flight, but we opted not to as she was stable and my mom and his dad were with us..and that was just the first trip! I've been in a car accident while he was gone, and many other issues! This time no one ended up in the hospital or in a wreck, however, I did have car trouble, my truck we've had for about 6 years ran HOT for the first time, I mean really HOT, the needle above the red line hot. I had one of my daughter's tumbling coaches check the fluids and they were fine. My father in law insisted he bring me his truck to drive home and he took our truck I also received some earth shaking news that if we did not pay our HOA fees they would put a lein on our house, and put us into immediate foreclosure (you know what I have to say to that? TAKE IT PLEASE!) GREAT! I did not know they were not paid yet, we'll get that taken care of, but the point of it all is I realize, I CANNOT DO THIS ALONE! I commend all you single parents who do this alone all the time! I realized how much I depend on my husband to help make things run smoothly! Seriously, I'm about to pop a zanex (is that even spelled right? it's obvious I don't take that stuff!) lol. Anyway, so as he is on his way home from Charlotte, I am busting tail to make sure he is welcomed home to a clean, peaceful home..where he will be greeted with a HUGE thank you and apology for my arrogance that I "Got this" HA! I know now..I DON'T! Jesus is teaching me A LOT lately, one of them is unconditional LOVE for myself, husband and family...with a special focus on my husband, as we have had the most trying year of our life together. Lesson learned, notes taken..now, PLEASE JESUS..don't send him out of town again..for a LONG TIME..for I'm afraid the next time our house my burn down around us! LOL (not literally I hope, but figuratively)..oh yeah, on a funny side note, I now LOATHE gum!!! my husband has always had this disdain for gum, and I just could not get why he would get so mad if he saw someone spit gum out. He said that he always steps in it, which I know is gross, but not a huge deal, more inconvenient than anything..HOWEVER...this morning as I was leaving the store (in a hurry I might add) I stepped in gum, now mind you, I live in FLORIDA where the heat index is around 110 every day..this gum was liquefied..and now, it is ALL over the bottom of my shoe, and to make matters worse, I did not discover it until I put my foot on the floorboard of my father in laws truck (he is a CLEAN FREAK) this will not make him a happy camper! Then it found it's way to the bottom of my jeans, yeah, you ever try to get gum out of clothes!? Luckily one of the items I just purchased was baby wipes, so, our way to ballet, my prissy daughter was wiping gum off my shoe (which I secretly LOVED!) I promptly called my husband and said "you will NEVER hear me complain again about your disdain for gum as I now share it) I hung up the phone and found the gum had metastasised to my bare foot and ankle and up the leg of my jeans!

Awesome Read (Sexual Abuse Survivors)

I found this link today, man..it was really powerful! If you are a sexual abuse survivor or even still living in an abusive situation, PLEASE read this!

http://bradhambrick.com/wp/sexualabuseisaiah53/

Unconditonal Love is a CHOICE! (long post)

This is my husband David and I celebrating our 12th Anniversary in March of this year. 11 1/2 years longer than anyone gave us to be married. From the start there were conditions to our marriage and a major lack of faith from our "supporters." We did not have the conventional courtship to say the least, in fact, we did everything backwards and wrong according to social standards, and to be frank, Godly standards as well. David and I only dated for a couple months before we married, and I was pregnant when we decided to marry. A lot of people felt as if I was trapping David, or that we were getting married for the wrong reasons. I can see how people would feel that way, after all, me being pregnant did influence our decision, but it was not the ONLY reason. Our marriage started out with many conditions. One of them being conditional love. I don't think we ever sat down and said, "now I'm only gonna love you if you do the laundry and take out the trash", no it wasn't that black and white, we just fell into a routine and life so fast, that we never took the time to focus on what Love truly was and how it needed to be the biggest role in the survival of our marriage. Fast forward 12 HARD years, and here we are, JUST learning about unconditional love for one another. It's a lot harder than I ever thought it would/should be. Love is a CHOICE, not just and emotion. sure, when he is on his A-game and doing all things right and great, it's easy to love him without making a choice to do so, it comes naturally. HOWEVER, there are those moments when we BOTH fall short of our A-game and mess up horribly and those are the days this LOVE thing does not come so naturally and we have to CHOOSE to continue to love each other with a pure, forgiving, and loving heart. I am currently doing the "LOVE DARE" on my husband. I am only on day 3, but I am amazed at what I am learning and what God is showing me about true, unconditional love. It's really putting me on my duff! It's been very hard to look in the mirror at how much I have lacked in loving, forgiveness, and selflessness. I am VERY selfish, I didn't realize till now, cause it's not like it was an outward, obvious trait, in fact, I am told often at how unselfish I am and how I should think of myself more, which, ironically is the most selfish act of all. I am so glad I am taking the Journey with Courtney@Women Living Well, learning how to be the wife my husband needs. I pray that through the journey of being the wife he needs, he will become the husband I need as well, and that we will BOTH discover that unconditional love is a choice that we both choose to make, and eventually it will become as natural and beautiful as God's perfect love for us.

Married Ladies - Are You up for a summer Challenge?

I was fortunate enough to stumble upon a great, encouraging blog recently.
It's called "Women living Well" What woman do you know who doesn't want to live well?
Here is Courtney's like to her website, you can find her blog from there. http://www.womenlivingwell.org/ or you can link up to her blog from that button over on the right that says "Completing Him Challenge" This summer she has issued a challenge for us wives who want to better ourselves and our relationships with our husbands, by becoming the wife our husband needs. It is truly a challenge and a blessing to become a better wife, and to see what God will do with our obedience. I'm up for the challenge, are you? Come join us!

Monday Minute with Ian

Ian @ The Daily Dose of Reality

OK..since my kids are in school, I am going to answer for my oldest daughter, Kirsten, whom I can predict her answers best! Here we go...

1) What is your favorite book/story?
Deep Down Popular

2) What do you want to do when you grow up?
Be a nurse/doctor, and dance teacher

3) What is your favorite game?
Manhunt- (the newest version of hide and go seek!)

4) What is your favorite food?
Spaghetti and Ribs! (not at the same time!)

5) Who is your favorite music artist?
Justin Beiber and Taylor Swift

DID and Me

recently it was brought to my attention by a dear friend that I could possibly be dealing with something called DID (dissociative identity disorder) when i looked it up, it did say specifically to be diagnosed that you must clearly have 2 distinctive personalities. I know that i don't have 2 different personalities, however, I do something else it talks about, and that is to detach. i went to a website that i was told about and read an article, here is the link: http://www.survivormanual.com/2010/04/dissociative-identity-disorder-an-analogy/
I really related to the way the writer described the feeling and how this can happen. I remember growing up feeling detached from life, but only in certain situations, and i could never understand what i felt or what to call it. I just felt depressed frequently. abuse was my way of life, self abuse. mainly in the form of an eating disorder and promiscuity. I know now as an adult that these are common things that victims experience. until i became an adult, i don't think i felt like a victim, it was just the way life was, and that's the cards i was dealt. for some reason in the last year or so this detachment has become much worse, to the point that i don't even know how to deal with the simple things in life. the things I do are very robotic. laundry, cleaning, running errands. I feel no joy, just detached and empty from everything that is precious to me. it is absolutely heartbreaking to walk around my house and feel like i don't belong here, to look at my kids and feel like i am no longer capable of being a good mom, to look at my husband and feel like we are strangers. to have no desire to do anything and not know or fully understand why. why so suddenly? why me? why now? why this? I know God has a plan and purpose for everything, its just very hard when your walkin' through it. hence..Egypt.

Anger Management

Lately I've been dealing with some serious anger issues. Through the combination of being diagnosed with a disease that I had to change my whole lifestyle over and recovering from a broken marriage (which is working on being restored) I'm just kinda over it all, and angry about everything. I wake up angry and go to bed angry. I realize that the anger is only truly hurting me in the long run, most of the time my husband doesn't even know I'm mad at him, unless I give him the cold shoulder. I can only be mad at myself if I eat something that makes me sick. (which is almost everything these days) I'm angry at my dad for waiting 30 years to have a relationship with me. I'm angry at my abuser for stealing my innocence and my life. I'm angry at so many things that I have no control over. I hate all the anger I feel, before I even got out of bed this morning I prayed for God to remove all the hate and anger I am feeling, cause like I said I do realize I am only hurting myself..in fact I think it's a huge reason that all my efforts to feel better physically are in vein. I've been trying to find healthy ways to get rid of and control the anger. Mostly prayer, but cleaning, venting to a friend, and exercize are also ways I've been copeing. I am also in therapy once a week. But nonetheless, here I am writing about anger. I know it's can be a healthy emotion, after all God says that it's ok to be angry, just not to sin in anger. I'm still on the fence with that. OH I believe God's word is true, just not sure If I am capeable of not sinning while angry. :) Is it healthy to want to make your husband hurt the way he hurt you when he slept with another woman and said terrible things to you? I know that literally I don't want to hurt him..I just want him to feel what I felt. I want to be able to sit down for dinner at a restaurant and order off the menu (right now, ain't happenin', I have to bring my own bland boring food), I would love to see my abuser pay for his crime, although that will never happen cause statues of limitations have more than run out (and I have no evidence) I just have to trust that God says "vengence is mine, sayeth the Lord" and I know he can do way worse than me! What are some ways YOU cope with anger?