sitting in my own prison cell

I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm so angry all the time. I need a new coping mechanisim. I can't drink, I can't pop pills, I can't freak out and go crazy..what is left? Why am I so angry all the time? I know that I have many good reasons to be, but I can't seem to let them go! Oh how I wish to be set free. Yes, I am so scared at that thought I stay in my own prison. I read a book yesterday by my good freind courtenay, we have a lot in common through our lives. In her book she describes a vision of herself in a prison cell w/chains binding her wrist, upon closer examination in this vision, she see's that the chains are not locked together just merely draped tightly around them. Upon even closer examination she notices that the door to the prison cell is wide open! yet she chooses to stay in her own "safe" prison, never setting herself truly free. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God died for me, to set me free my from sins and past, yet I cannot seem to grasp the revelation of that freedom, the gift he has given me..freely! I am the one in that self made prison now. I want to be free, yet the thought of that freedom scares me so bad, that I am willing to stay in my own prison. Alone, afraid, tired, weary, depressed, defeated. How do I let myself out? HOW do I get the revelation I so desprately need to walk out of prison? I am in church every sunday, yet, by sunday afternnon, I am in my "comfy" prison cell again. I just don't understand how I have ended up this way.