30 Days of Truth- Day 1

Before


Well I am hopping on the truth train, something I really need in my life. I hope I find out some things I need to know, and maybe face some truth that I have been avoiding? we'll see.. so here goes

Something I hate about myself:

That is fairly easy, right now anyway. I hate that I am overweight, and obviously have an addiction to food! I know a lot of people may be facing this issues, but for me to say that out loud or put that in writing is, well, overwhelming and very painful...I guess I should say "I hate food"..not my weight..or maybe I hate that I abuse food, and that in turn has caused me to be overweight..anyhow..I have never been a "fat minded" person. I was never overweight as a child. I never knew what it was like to shop in the plus size section as a teen or young adult. I was not a judgemental person toward others who struggled, as we all have our issues. It was not until I got married and started my family that I started to gain weight. At first I'm sure it was because I was not as active (even though I was at home w/a baby) I was not exercising as much, and not nearly as active as I was prior. I also started to deal with my emotions and past, with food. It became my "drug of choice" after all, I could not open a bottle of wine w/a baby in toe, or pop a pill to make me sleep or whatever. Food was "harmless" and gave me the desired effect of numbing and controlling my emotions whatever they may be at that moment. Believe me, they were all over the place! I hate that I use food as a coping mechanism. the ONLY one! Slowly, over the years my body has morphed from the young, slender, beautiful woman...to the overweight, overly emotional, out of control, food addicted woman. I really hate the person I have become through Food. What is supposed to be "a fuel to sustain life" has become "my way to avoid feeling life" and in turn, has turned me into the person I never thought I would be, or could imagine being. Truth hurts, but it also heals. The WORD says "The TRUTH shall set you free" not, "FOOD shall set you free"



After

Deep Breath.......OK. Done.